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Baby Blues
Nov. 22nd, 2009 07:31 pmShe wanted to run. Amara watched her daughter sleeping in her crib. After what seemed to be forever the crying and screaming baby had finally gone to sleep. Lalita was a perfectly healthy and beautiful little baby, and Amara knew she should be thankful for that, but all she felt was overwhelmed and terrified.
She had never spent much time around babies. She really didn't know what to do with one. Instead of reading about babycare she'd been reading for her classes at the Academy, she barely had time to give birth much less learn how to take care of her daughter. No one seemed to be too much help either, though to be fair, she realized that was entirely her fault. She never asked for help, not even from the baby's father, she just assumed that she'd be the one taking care of everything. She had no idea how overwhelming it all was going to be, or how isolated and alone she would feel. Amara had always been a loner, but now she felt like it was herself and her daughter alone in the world.
Amara wasn't sure she'd be able to do this. People learned from their parents... and she couldn't remember her mother ever having a kind word to say. She'd never been hugged by a parent, or comforted, how could she possibly do that for her own child? All she felt when she looked at that baby, now that the situation was sinking in, was fear.
Hot tears started to fall down her cheeks, and the cadet sank to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. She loved her baby, but she wasn't sure she could do this, and Lalita deserved better than she could offer. She hated the idea of adoption, but... that might be what was best. She didn't know how she could possibly raise this child, and the whole thing scared the hell out of her.
She had never spent much time around babies. She really didn't know what to do with one. Instead of reading about babycare she'd been reading for her classes at the Academy, she barely had time to give birth much less learn how to take care of her daughter. No one seemed to be too much help either, though to be fair, she realized that was entirely her fault. She never asked for help, not even from the baby's father, she just assumed that she'd be the one taking care of everything. She had no idea how overwhelming it all was going to be, or how isolated and alone she would feel. Amara had always been a loner, but now she felt like it was herself and her daughter alone in the world.
Amara wasn't sure she'd be able to do this. People learned from their parents... and she couldn't remember her mother ever having a kind word to say. She'd never been hugged by a parent, or comforted, how could she possibly do that for her own child? All she felt when she looked at that baby, now that the situation was sinking in, was fear.
Hot tears started to fall down her cheeks, and the cadet sank to the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. She loved her baby, but she wasn't sure she could do this, and Lalita deserved better than she could offer. She hated the idea of adoption, but... that might be what was best. She didn't know how she could possibly raise this child, and the whole thing scared the hell out of her.
